That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
