This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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