Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize