he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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