remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
