you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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