I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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