I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
