Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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