hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
