Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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