Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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