Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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