summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
