mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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