Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
