didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
