You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
