you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
