Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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