her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize