do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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