Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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