I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
