May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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