After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
