You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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