Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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