We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
