Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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