I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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