OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
