when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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