Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
