Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
