So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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