I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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