So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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