Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
