Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he thought i was a dude.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
