I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
