Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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