Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
