it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
