forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize