I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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