quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
