My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
