I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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