the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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