So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have post one night stand depression
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
