We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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