You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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