i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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