I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
