would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
