I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
