Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
