o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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