I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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