just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
