Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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