Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
