I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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