Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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