also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
