ugly people sure do ruin things
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
