He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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