But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
