just tell him i said nine months
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
