Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
