You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
