I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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