is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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