a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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