yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
