so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
