he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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