You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So vagazzling was a success
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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