I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize