Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was CRYING into my vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
