Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
