that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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