Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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