What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
