is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
