***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently you make a good broom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
