I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
