My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
