have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
