yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
