I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
