So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
