$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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