How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize