Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
