Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
