Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
