I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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