he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
