we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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