I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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