is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
