JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
