You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
