the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
