I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i now understand why vodka
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
