My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
