Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
