i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
