Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
