uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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